those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
