Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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