Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
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I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
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Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize