Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
