I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
