I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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