I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.