I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this