my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
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she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
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IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.