Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
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Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
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can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death