she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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