coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Sex on roller skates
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.