i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize