I want to stick my p in your. b.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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