So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
