was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize