i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Quick, to the slutcave!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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