i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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