addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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