Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
