I want to make a zoo with you.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
