id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
