STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
