I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
