Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize