Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
