no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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