I wanna bring you to show and tell
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
