Farmville is her only friend.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
