Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
