the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
