She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
