Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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