I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
