At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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