Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Come on in and take your pants off
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
