You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
