You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
