she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
