I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize