Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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