38 yer olds are good kisserssss
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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