New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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