I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
