You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
