shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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