He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Randomize
