words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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