She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
