im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
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If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
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I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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