please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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