You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
