The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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