I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
