Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
