just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
