All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Bring me that man meat
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
