I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
