its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
