Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
