I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
