Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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