I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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