Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
