This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
