I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
