There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
