i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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