I would go down on you faster than GM stock
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
