I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I want to make a zoo with you.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
