when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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