just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
