i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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