I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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