well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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