I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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