Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
