the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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