Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
