Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You are a genius and a whore.
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