i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
