We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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