So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
