You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
