Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
